monstres
by vanity sinning
Summary: Beautiful monsters, stop and learn to love yourself. for Rachel (burnouts)
1. WendyCamKara

**a/n: Happy belated 17th birthday to my soul mate. I love you. You're my best friend and can always make me feel better no matter what the situation. I just wish we lived closer. I'm sorry these are so late. **

_Chapter One_: WendyCamKara

_Prompt: _Stubborn, Skies

* * *

_It seems that all my bridges have been burnt_  
_But you say **that's exactly how this grace thing works**_  
_It's not the long walk home that will change this heart_  
_-Roll away your stone, Mumford & Sons _

_/_

_that's exactly hot this grace thing works _

* * *

He thinks love is for children.

_/_

He knows he's not the most graceful person. In fact most people if asked would say that Cameron Leon is anything but graceful. After all he burns all his bridges to void himself of contact with actually people, instead he stays tucked into a world of knowledge. In Cameron's world there are no such things as fairy tale endings, of love at first sight, or miracles that seemingly happen at just the right time.

Even if he's surrounded by a world of magic, he may be a wizard (and a great one at that) but there's no denying that if Cameron Leon was one thing it was nothing but realistic.

_/_

Though she seemed to have a different idea about her. And being just as stubborn as he was Kara never allowed him to burn the bridge between them completely. She wouldn't have it; she wouldn't have it at all.

At first it was hard. Cameron Leon didn't do friends. He did facts, and problems, and books, and history, and art, and music. But friends? Never friends. People always had a way of making a mess of things and being emotionally detached was better than being so involved that one couldn't think straight.

After all if Cameron Leon was one thing it was nothing but a thinker.

_/_

But like a love story somewhere along the line she changed him.

Though it shouldn't be her. Not Kara Finnigan with her ever changing red to blonde or blonde to red hair. Not her with her daddy issues and sweet tooth. Not her with her cheesy love for the romance novels he hates and her persistence to be his friend.

Kara shouldn't be the one.

Wendy should. Because Wendy brought out the best in him, she made him think about his actions, she made him question everything he believed in; she made him look at the world differently. She believed in fairy tales and love at first sight, she believed in faith, trust, and pixie dust. She believed that there was always good in everyone on the face of the planet, she believed in miracles. She brought light into Cam's _darkdark _world.

Except he didn't want light, he didn't want to question everything he believed in, he didn't want fairy tales to come true. Cam had always been dark and twisty, and he would always want Kara's dark and twisty, not Wendy's light.

Really if Cameron Leon was one thing it was anything but happy.

_/_

The skies are dark when he finally does it, Kara's beside him looking over the grounds of Hogwarts. One of their many routine things to do on a Sunday afternoon was to sit at the top of the Astronomy tower and just talk.

He knows she's waiting for him to say something and for a while he tried to come up with exactly the right thing to say. Words and him have never exactly gotten along. But as soon as he tried to say them he finds himself at a loss for words. Instead Cam reached a tentative hand out to grasp hers.

It wasn't much. In fact it wasn't anything really. Yet at the same time for Cam it was everything. It meant everything. Sure, it wasn't a big speech on how he couldn't live without her, or how wonderful she was, or how much he wanted to be with her.

But he knew as soon as he took her hand in his that she would understand. And yeah, he always says he didn't see the surprised smile on her face as he turned to look back out at the grounds etching this moment into his memory forever.

Because really if Cameron Leon was one thing it was anything but a romantic.

* * *

**a/n: no favorites without a review please and thank you. **


	2. JudeCharlie

_Chapter Two_: JudeCharlie

_Prompt:_ Ocean, innocent

* * *

_I think I took too much  
I'm addicted to your touch  
But I'm crying  
In shame again  
And now I'm high as a kite  
And I know I might be gone  
**When you get home**  
-Addicted, Ed Sheeran_

_/_

_when you get home_

* * *

She's not the innocent little girl she once was. No, this Jude Price is anything but innocent. Her once brown hair now permanently scarlet, her once bright brown eyes forever devious, her once sweet smile always seductive.

Jude Price is far from innocent.

_/_

They call her bad news.

Because there's far too much Slytherin ambition there to be healthy, because someone who runs that much must be running from something, because she's always running isn't she?

And maybe they're right, maybe she is bad news but she can't help that. She never could.

_/_

Everything she's running away from is in her head. She knows that but she can't stop. If she did it'd all catch up to her and after spending years of running from herself, stopping is suicide.

But then there's _him_. And suddenly she finds herself stuck with no way out. Running won't help this time. Running won't stop the addiction. Running only leaves her running back to him for more.

_/_

He's patient and kind and sweet and above all else understanding. Charlie doesn't question her every time she picks herself up off the floor and books it as far away as possible. Instead he waits, waits patiently for her to come to him. Where he takes her in his arms and tells her how much he loves her, how he'll always love her no matter how far she runs or where she runs to, how everything will be okay.

And although Jude knows that addiction kills she just can't help herself.

_/_

It's the ocean; it's always been the ocean, no matter where she runs she always ends up by the ocean. Sometimes she thinks it's fate and other times she thinks it's just a strange goddamn coincidence. No matter which one it doesn't really matter because she knows this is where it has to end.

_/_

The wedding is the summer she turns twenty-three, right there on the beach. It's a big wedding, with all of their friends and family and coworkers invited. After all who would have ever thought that Jude Price was getting married, and on top of that to Charles Welling, certainly no one could have seen it coming.

No one except Jude.

But she knew that there was no place else she'd rather be. Walking down the isle with eyes only for him, in a pure white dress only for him, with flowers in her hair only for him, with vows that come from the bottom of her heart only for him. With a final kiss filled with all of the love and hopes and dreams only for him.

Jude knows she's finally come home.

* * *

**a/n: no favorite without a review please and thank you.**


	3. ArielDanika

_Chapter Three_: DaniAriel

_Prompt:_ Drain, Odious (hateful, contempt, disgust)

* * *

_Nobody told her **she'd lose** in the first round  
The last fight was fixed from the start  
Name's on her sidewalks they move through her body  
Like razors they cut through her heart  
- Holly Wood Died, by Yellowcard_

/

_she'd lose_

* * *

Sometimes it's like _she's_ the only girl in the world.

/

Maybe it's the smoldering looks she shoots Ariel from across the table in the Great Hall, or maybe it's the secret kisses they steal after class, when the halls are empty and bare. Maybe it's the way Ariel wears those skirts, always short but not too short. Just enough leg, but not enough to make her look anything but innocent.

Boys hit on Danika all the time and she dates them because she can't be with _her_...only to break it off in the end because she's really in love with the little girl that stole her heart that night in the Ravenclaw first year's dorm.

/

She doesn't even remember where this began...all she does remember is rolling around in her sheets in their four-posters, or giggling as they walk outside on the grounds. Sharing those '_I __can't wait to take those clothes off of you..._' looks.

Everyone thinks they're just best friends; because girls aren't suppose to love girls.

If they only knew what they did in the safety of Ariel's room at home while they were asleep or while everyone else was sleeping in the dormitories at school, if they only knew that Dani loved the feeling of their lips smashing together in secret passion because they can't tell the world they love each other.

/

She wishes that they could be real, and open and hold hands in public like normal couples...but then she remembers they're not a normal couple. They're best friends and the world they share is one of secrets and night.

So Dani takes her duvet and wraps herself in it, letting memories of their _'I loves you's_' and _'you're so beautiful's'_ wash over her. Feeling sick to her stomach with odious anger in knowing that they would spend another day pretending they were just best friends.

/

The drain to the bathtub scratches against the bottom of Dani's foot lightly but the blonde doesn't seem to notice as Ariel is grinding herself on top of Danika, and the only thing she can think of is how sexy the dark haired girl looks.

Breast bouncing as she moved against Dani's fingers, breathing ragged, hair wet and sticking to her back. Ariel is everything that matter's as she inserts another finger, causing a delicious moan to erupt from Ariel's throat. Not caring that the water is cold Dani reaches up and claims the other girls lips with her own as she feels Ariel tighten around her.

This is all she's ever wanted.

/

Maybe she's kidding herself in thinking that everything will work out in the end. Maybe all Ariel and Danika are ever meant to be is best friends and secret sex friends. Because girls aren't suppose to fall in love with their best friends, not when their best friend is another girl.

* * *

**a/n: no favorites without a review please and thank you.**


	4. DeclanDimitri

_Chapter Four_: DeclanDimitri

_Prompt:_ Battle, Strings

* * *

_Can you lie next to her_  
_And give her your heart, your heart_  
_As well as your body_  
_And can you lie next to her_  
_And confess your love, your love_  
_As well as your **folly**_  
_-White Blank Page, Mumford & Sons_

_/_

_folly_

* * *

If he was a better man he'd never do this to her.

Because she's the one person who knows him better than he knows himself. She's his best friend, his confidant, his twin sister, his blood, his flesh, his _soul_. They're one half of the other you see, two parts of some greater whole, the same person just in two separate bodies. There's no Declan without Jude, no Jude without Declan.

The strings of their lives wound so tightly together that sometimes separation for each other physically hurt.

And if he was a better man, he'd _never _do this to her.

/

But he's not.

He's not the Hufflepuff that the Sorting Hat said him to be all those years ago. He's not the Golden Boy with the even bigger heart. He's not loyal _like_ he's supposed to be. He's not _good_ like he's supposed to be.

Not anymore at least. Not since he realized that he was in love with Dimitri Coyne.

Not since he realized that there were no happy endings. Not for any one of them.

Not since he opened his mouth and fucked it all away.

/

Jude can't even look at him. He doesn't blame her. How could he? After all _Declan_ was the one who took away her happiness. _Declan_ was the one that destroyed the three of them. _Declan_ with his big heart and even bigger mouth.

"Jude-Anna..." Her back's to him and he suspects that although she looks busy writing something she's not. "I'm sorry."

He knows it's not enough. It's never enough for Jude. With her it's all or nothing. You either were on her side or faced a battle against her. She didn't do middle ground. Silence falls over them and his leg is shaking because she won't forgive him, he knows that all too well.

Finally when she does speak it's not with anger or fury, no, it's with resignation and defeat. "Dimitri left me last night."

Their eyes meet and Declan can feel his heart hammering_hammering_ in his chest. Looking away from her he feels guilt consume him. This wasn't how it was suppose to be. This wasn't how it was suppose to happen. Dimitri and Jude were endgame. Dimitri and Jude were made for each other. They _belonged_ together. And now, now he was responsible for ripping them apart.

Jude stands without him even noticing and when he realizes she's gone, he leaves too.

He'd done enough damage for one night.

/

For once he takes a page from Jude's book.

He runs far away from Paris. Far away from anywhere that could possibly remind him of her and _him_. Instead Declan loses himself. Spending far too many nights drunk in some remote country, and far too many mornings waking up in strange places he's never been before. He doesn't want to think. He doesn't want to _feel_. All he wants is to be numb.

He doesn't care that this isn't like him. That he doesn't run away, that running was always Jude's forte. That he's supposed to be the _better_ half of them. He's supposed to stay.

He's not that Declan anymore. That Declan died long ago.

/

Eventually though the past has a way of catching up to us.

There are no exceptions. And frankly Declan should have seen this one coming. Life was unusually cruel to him; this shouldn't come as a surprise. Dimitri is standing in his kitchen coffee cup in hand, drinking in the sight of him.

Admittedly Dimitri looked good. Declan couldn't remember the day or how long had passed as he'd stopped counting in what seemed like a whole lifetime ago. But his best mate looked well, time seemed to deal Dimitri a good hand.

Not saying anything Declan shuffled to the coffee maker. Pouring himself a mug and then seating himself at the counter. It was too early in the morning for this. Taking the sugar pot from where it sat next to the pepper and salt, Declan slowly stirred some in before finally addressing the other man.

"You found me. Gold star for, Dimitri."

Being met with a silence he turned away, deciding instead to make himself busy by drinking from his cup and wishing instead of coffee its contents were vodka. His eyes fixed ahead at the blank white of the fridge surface.

"I miss you."

If Dimitri had said those words to him in the beginning he might have gotten a totally different reaction than the one he received now. Now Declan shook his head tiredly, much like his other half had the day he went to apologize.

"Don't."

His eyes never met Dimitri's because he knew the moment they did that all his resolve would slip right through his fingers. But they didn't have to; Dimitri didn't give him a chance to ignore him. Instead Declan found their lips pressed together, his back digging painfully into the cold granite of the counter in which he was just facing.

If he wanted to pull away, he _couldn't_. Not when this felt so good. Not when this was all he'd wanted for years now. Yet Declan could feel the guilt all coming back to him. Knowing that Dimitri was here and not with Jude, knowing that he had caused Dimitri to leave Jude, knowing that he had destroyed what was suppose to be forever.

When the need for air became too great Dimitri pulled away first. Only leaving Declan _aching_ for more and knowing that he was a horrible person for it.

Seeming to read his thoughts Dimitri sighed pulling Declan into his arms.

"I want _you_."

Unable to reply Declan closed his eyes some part of him hoping this was a dream.

"I don't want Jude. Not this time. This time I choose you, Declan. This time it's _you_."

The resolve he thought he had was gone. Replaced with all the love that he'd buried within himself. It felt as if time had frozen, stopped in this moment, and for once Declan knew that tonight he wouldn't need any alcohol to numb away everything he felt. Tonight for the first time in a long time he had what he wanted.

And the best part of it all was that this _wasn't_ a dream.

_This_ was real life.

* * *

**a/n: no favorite without a review please and thank you.**


	5. JudeDimitriI

_Chapter Five_: JudeDimitriI

_Prompt_: drip, lantern/lanterns

* * *

_Right before your eyes,_  
_I'm aching, run fast_  
_Nowhere to hide,_  
_Just **you and me**_  
_This is the last time I'm asking you this,_  
_Put my name at the top of your list,_  
_This is the last time I'm asking you why,_  
_You break my heart in the blink of an eye  
__-The Last Time, Taylor Swift FT Gary Lightbody_

_/_

_you and me_

* * *

She hates him.

/

She watches the white stick from her spot on the bathroom floor.

It'd been only about a minute since she'd peed on the thing and already it felt like a lifetime. The drip_dripdrip_ of the bathtub faucet echoed through the room. Magnified louder by her imagination as she chewed on one of her nails. This was stupid. She was late and peeing on that stupid stick would do her no good. It would only prove her point she was _late_.

Looking at the clock on the wall she sighed heavily as she stood from the floor and walked over to the counter. Pausing before allowing herself to look she picked up the test, a little pink plus sign staring right back at her.

/

Jude Price was a logical thinker. She liked constants, hard facts, things she could see and touch and smell and taste. And if there was one thing Jude knew about her current situation it was who this baby's father was. It could only be one person, as she _hated_ the other. Test in hand Jude stood at the doorway of her sitting room. Watching as Charlie Welling scribbled something down on the sheet of music in front of him, humming as he shook his head and then scribbling what he had previously written out.

"Busy?" She asked him, trying to keep her face neutral as she walked over to take a seat next to him.

A warm smile greeted her, and Jude noted with affection that he must have been deep in thought about this new song.

Yet whether he was busy or not she would never know as Charlie shook his head. "I'm never too busy for you."

If there was one thing Jude loved about Charles Welling it was _this_. His ability to love her, to set aside everything for her if she needed something, his compassion, his kindness, his understanding of her, she wasn't used to that. Jude wasn't any of those things herself.

She was all hard angles, with more ambition than she knew what to do with, and a taste for a recklessness that often lead her straight into trouble. Her emotions were something she barely let show, Jude was _always _in control, and everything she did or said, down to the when she took a breath was calculated and thought out completely. That was just how she was.

Her fingers twisted together as she pulled out the pregnancy test from her jumper pocket. Gently placing it between them on his music sheets. "It's yours." Her voice was soft as she met his eyes. "I haven't seen _him_ in two months and you've been the only other person I've been with." Pausing she broke off not knowing what to do.

And not a moment later she found herself in Charlie's arms. Guitar and music sheets cast aside as he nuzzled his face into her hair. "Are you going to tell him?"

Jude bit her lip at the question, her eyes flashing to the stick now sitting on the table.

It was complicated, it was always complicated and she found herself for once wishing it weren't this complicated. She didn't want to be in love with him but sleeping with Charlie. She didn't want him to just show up at her door and expect her to let him in again. She didn't want to wake up in the morning and find that he'd left.

For once she wanted someone who stayed. For once she wanted someone like Charlie who cared about her enough to stay.

Sighing Jude shrugged curling into Charlie's warmth, letting a comfortable silence fall over them. They stayed like that for a while, and she was grateful for him not to interrupt her thoughts with questions about what she was going to do with it. Charlie was a good man like that.

Finally after some time she found his fingers lifting her chin towards him. "This is your choice, Jude. As much as I would like you to keep this baby, the choice is yours and I'll support you no matter what you decide." Kissing her forehead briefly he met her eyes.

"But you have to tell him."

At that she wanted to scream. Why couldn't Charlie be the one? Why couldn't she have a happily ever after with sweet, ginger haired, guitar loving Charles Welling? Fighting the urge to break down crying Jude nodded knowing that he was right. She couldn't keep it a secret forever, she had to tell _him_ and decide what she was going to do with it. She knew this, she knew this very well, and yet knowing didn't make it any easier.

It only seemed to make things worse.

/

_He_ comes to her two weeks later.

The house is quiet as Charlie is in America with Dani and Jude had been keeping herself busy to avoid being lonely here. Though really she should have seen it coming, she should have known that he would come back, he may have _always_ left her, he may have never _stayed_ but he came back. And that was worth something right?

A smirk on his lips as she opened the door Jude stood there frozen. Her body screaming at her to slam said door in his face but her heart begging her to _please _let him in already. All the resolve she'd built up against him these two (almost three) months began crumbling around her the longer they stood there, just looking at each other.

Slowly she opened the door wider, not saying a word as he came in.

"You look good." He said eyes drinking her in hungrily.

Dimitri Coyne Senior was a man of control. He was all hard angles and even harder heart. Everything he did, down to when he took a breath was controlled. Every word he said, every step he took, and every twitch of his lips was controlled. He himself was very much like the girl he'd come to see.

The girl exactly twenty-two years younger than him, the girl that his son (Dimitri Coyne Junior) was best friends with, the girl he'd watched grow up into this woman. This Jude was who she'd become, whom he was destroying.

At his comment Jude grimaced trying to get a grip on herself. She _would not_ sleep with him this time. This time they would talk, she would tell him about the baby and that would be that. They would not sleep together. They wouldn't. Inhaling a breath she walked back into the kitchen where she'd been making tea, Dimitri following her as he looked around, maybe expecting to see something or rather someone.

"Charlie's not here." Jude answered the unasked question grabbing two teacups from the cabinet.

Trying to make her hands busy so she wouldn't look much at him she moved to the fridge, pulling out the milk and honey. Setting them on the counter next to her just waiting for the kettle to steam. Turning away from the stove only to come chest to chest with Dimitri. Gently one of his hands came to rest on her waist while the other came up to cup behind her neck and bring them closer.

"I'm not in the mood for tea." He purred mouth brushing the corner of hers.

Whatever willpower she'd possessed was slipping faster and faster through her fingers the longer they stayed connected. His lips moving from her mouth, to her chin, down her neck before stopping at her exposed collarbone to bite and suck the skin there. The hand on her waist discreetly moving under the fabric of the top she wore, his fingers trailing fire against her skin.

"Dimitri..." His named was a soft murmur from her lips and Jude found herself wanting to puke at what he could turn her into within a matter of mere minutes. One moment she'd been fine, making tea, going along like he wasn't here and the next she was practically putty in his hands.

Dimitri, on the other hand focused on how soft her skin felt, how warm she was. Under her shirt his fingers moved around and up her bare back, groaning lowly in appreciate as she wasn't wearing a bra. Simply the way she said his name was enough to get him going. Taking his lips from her neck, his other hand that had previously been at the back of said neck cupped her cheek.

Eyes meeting Dimitri brought their lips together, his tongue gladly entering her already opening mouth.

If it were _anyone_ else Jude would have never lost her self-control like this. She would have pushed him away, told him the truth just as she had planned, if it were anyone else Jude wouldn't _ever_ lose her constraint. But this wasn't anyone else, this was Dimitri Caesar Coyne Senior and Jude couldn't walk away from him. No matter how much she wanted to.

As they kissed his hands moved to the bottom of her shirt, lifting the material up and almost over her breasts before the kettle screeched causing Jude to pull away quickly. Turning her head from him she cleared her throat, both of her hands coming up to press on the middle of his chest and push him away. Once they separated Jude adjusted her shirt, going to the kettle and taking it off of the stove before pouring the tea.

She could feel his eyes on her back, watching her every step intently, waiting for her to make a move. With a shaky hand Jude put a spoonful of milk and honey in her tea, leaving his plain. Taking both saucers in her hands she moved around him towards the table, careful not to look at him as she did so and leaving him no choice but to follow her.

Her heart hammered wildly in her chest, whether from the previous contact they had shared or from the words built up on the tip of her tongue she knew not. All she did know was that he was sitting down beside her expectantly, his eyes still never leaving her, not even touching his tea.

"If you have something to say, say it now." His voice wasn't harsh or cold but more bored, like he'd rather be doing anything else than sitting here and having tea with her.

Biting her bottom lip she brought the cup to her face, trying to find the correct way to word what she wanted to say. How did you tell your _kindasortanotreally_ boyfriend that you were pregnant with your _kindasortanotreally_ best friend's baby? Grabbing her wand that had been laying uselessly on the far side of the table she cast a cool charm before drinking some tea.

Dimitri sighed. They were wasting valuable time. Instead of sitting here and staring at each other, they could be fucking against the counter right now. Like he'd already told her he wasn't in the mood for tea. He wasn't stupid either; he knew that there was something she needed to say. What? He hadn't a clue. Maybe she'd finally tell him she didn't want him, _couldn't_ want him anymore. That wanting him, being with him, was killing her and she couldn't handle it anymore. A small part of him hoped this was true. More for her sake than his, he could live without her. Or so he thought. Sure, it'd hurt for a while, but Dimitri was a master at not letting him-self feel. So he'd find a way to turn his feelings for her off.

"Jude..." He started about to remind her of all the time that was ticking away.

"I'm pregnant." The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. Before she could talk herself out of saying them. Before she could convince herself to just kiss him and forget about talking.

She watched his face for any recognition of feeling, knowing that she wouldn't get one. Yet hoping that he'd let her see _something_, anything, anything to show that she was more to him than a toy. That she was more than a fuck buddy, that she meant something to him.

Dimitri didn't even flinch as she said it. Inwardly he could feel his heart weighing heavily in his chest. Outwardly he was just as cool as he had been moments before the words left her mouth. If there was one thing he was good at it was exercising control over his own body. Eyes meeting hers he asked quite normally. "You're going to get rid of it?"

It shouldn't hurt this bad. She had known that if he _did_ feel something he wouldn't show her. He never did. She knew that very well. Except it did hurt, it hurt so much she felt her stomach churn, his words not helping matters. How could he just sit there and look as if nothing was wrong? How could he just sit there and be okay with this? Not even batting an eye at the fact that she had fucked someone who wasn't him and now she was pregnant with that someone's baby.

Anger suddenly filling her, Jude shrugged. "I'm twenty-one years old, Dimitri. I'm twenty-one years old and for the last five years I've waited for you. For the last five years I've let you fuck me and leave me. What if I want more than this?"

Not being able to stop herself Jude stood. All of her anger turning to hurt. "What if I want to keep this baby? What if I want Charlie Welling? He stays; he doesn't just fuck me and leave me. He stays and he cares. He wants me, Dimitri. He wants me and this baby and he wouldn't leave us. What if I want him too?" Her voice broke slightly at her last words, though she willed herself not to let him see her cry.

He didn't move his eyes still on her, forever on her, watching, as she seemed to decide something. Inside however his emotions raged against one another. Half of him proud of herm proud that she was finally thinking of herself, finally understanding that she deserved a better man than him. The other half of him irritated that she dare throw the last five years in his face. That she dare sleep with another man that wasn't him. Five years ago on her seventeenth birthday they'd slept together and while he wouldn't lie and say he didn't initiate it, he wouldn't let her not take responsibility that _she_ pursued him. It was Jude who came after him for more; it was Jude who let him come back to her, who _always _opened her door to him.

She could have said no, She could have slammed the door in his face and never opened it again. Except she didn't, instead she always let him in. And now for her to shoot that back in _his_ face, well it simply wasn't happening.

For the first time in a long time Dimitri lost his temper. Of course to her and to the rest of the world it wouldn't ever seem like he did, yet the thing about Dimitri was that he walked away from confrontation. And tonight as much as he wanted to, _needed_ to walk away to prove to himself that she was indeed nothing more than a toy. He couldn't.

"You don't love Charlie, Jude." His voice was steady, controlled as it always was, although softer.

Dimitri's words ate at her. The truth of them stung her so hard he might as well have slapped her in the face. Picking up her dishes she moved away from him, scared that if she stayed near him any longer she'd strike him. Her hatred from him only growing the longer she stayed silent. Not caring anymore Jude threw the cups and saucers in the sink, enjoying completely the sound of breaking china.

"You don't get to tell me who I love." She replied just as quietly, gripping onto the edge of the counter so hard her knuckles began turning white.

"If you keep this baby, you lose me." Dimitri said standing. "I'll be back in two weeks, Jude. Get rid of it." With that he headed toward the door, not looking back as he did so.

She stood there for a while. Not moving even the slightest bit, just staring at the broken dishes in the sink. Wondering when she'd let it get this far. It was only supposed to be a schoolgirl crush, when had it turned into this? When had she fallen in love with him? When had her heart made the choice for her?

/

She knows she should apparate to him to tell him what she's decided. That would be what a good person would do, that would be what a brave person would do. But Jude's neither good nor brave so anxiously biting her lip she phones him. It'd been three days since she had told Dimitri; almost without thinking she'd made a decision about what she wanted. As much as it killed her, the choice hadn't been hard.

"Hello,"

Jude's eyes closed against the sound of Charlie's voice. He sounded well, he sounded happy, and of course he was. He was with Danika King, the woman he'd been best friends with since they were eleven, the woman he'd been in love with half his life. It was funny in a not so funny way that both Jude and Charlie were in love with two different people and not each other. It was funny and ironic and cruel that they were in love with other people.

Fiddling with a loose thread on her jumper Jude forced herself to speak. "Charlie."

"Jude, it's good to hear your voice."

Grinning she shook her head summoning all of the self-control she had left. "I hope you're not thinking about me too much. America is an adventure and you should be enjoying it. Not worrying about me."

Charlie chuckled lightly on the other end and she found her grin widening. At least she could still make him laugh. No matter how many miles away he was, at least she could still make him laugh.

"Hard to do but I'm trying my best. Is there a reason you called? Is everything okay?"

Having no idea how to reply Jude leaned against the headboard of her bed. Choosing had been the easy part, telling him was the hard part. Sighing she nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. "I'm great," Pausing Jude took a deep breath. "I've decided what I'm going to do with the baby."

There was a pause where she knew that Charlie was giving her a chance to get it all out. So pressing on Jude braced herself. "I'm going to get the abortion. It's just easier this way. You're traveling with Dani and I'm not ready to have a baby yet. We're only twenty-one."

"Okay." Charlie said automatically. He wouldn't press the situation even though they both knew the real reason she was getting this abortion. "When's the appointment? Do you want me to go with you?"

She could feel herself starting to become emotional. Fuck. Why couldn't she be in love with Charlie? "I'm not letting you come home for this. It's a quick procedure and Jeremy's going with me. I'll be fine, you on the other hand stay put, enjoy America, better yet enjoy Dani."

Hearing a sigh from his end she knew that while not her best acting, it had still done the trick, Charlie would not be coming home. "You'll phone after then? To make sure I know you're okay."

"Only if you promise you'll play me a song?" Jude replied smiling in spite of him.

"I'll even write you a new one."

Her smile widening she nodded. "Then I promise I'll call right after." Realizing that she'd probably kept him too long Jude sighed into the phone. "I'm going to go take a bath and you're going to go do something fun and crazy for me. Like going out for drinks and karaoke."

The amusement in his voice was evident as he answered her. "Sweet dreams, Jude."

"Bye, Charlie."

/

If she were a better person, a stronger person, she wouldn't need him. She would love him, she was sure of that but she wouldn't need him. She wouldn't need him to come back, she wouldn't need to feel his eyes on her when they were in the same room together, she wouldn't need some type of physical contact with him to make her feel alive.

But she's not a better person, she's a weak person, she does need him.

The procedure had been quick, and she'd found herself home within a few hours. How long had passed since she wasn't sure. She'd come home and numbly taken a bath, trying as hard as she could to wash the pain away. It shouldn't hurt this much. After all, she'd chosen to have the abortion. She'd chosen without thought, without hesitation, she chose this, she chose _him_.

The tears she promises herself she won't cry come anyways, falling uselessly onto the pillow underneath her head. She wishes they didn't, she wishes they would just go away, she wishes even though she learned long ago that wishing only left you hoping and hoping only left you longing.

She doesn't want to long anymore.

/

The house is dark all except one room, _her_ room. Two weeks had passed and he finds himself back at her door. No one answers so Dimitri lets himself in. He'd like to think that she's away, that she finally had the good sense to leave him, but he knows better, he knows immediately upon having let himself in what her choice was. A part of him (and a small one at that) had hoped that she choose Welling, that she choose a life where she'd be happy, that she choose a life that she could live. While the rest of him screamed that was impossible, she was Jude Price and she belongs to one person and one person only.

Hands in his pockets he made his way upstairs, finding her bedroom with all the skill of someone that'd memorized it's path even if he'd never admit it to himself.

The door swung open easily, the lanterns hovering over her bed twinkled softly giving her an almost heavenly glow. With her back to him, Dimitri suspects she's stayed in the same position for a while now, Jude doesn't move. If he was an honest man, if he were good man he'd let himself feel the guilt swelling in his stomach. But Dimitri Caesar Coyne Sr. was neither of those things and so he tells himself that this was her fault. She picked him when she should have picked a life for herself. She was her own undoing.

Even so he finds himself slipping off his shoes at the end of the bed and crawling in beside her. His head falling into her pillows, his nose inhaling her scent, his eyes basking in the sight of her. Her cheeks are stained with long gone tears, the bags under her eyes suggest that she hadn't slept in a while; automatically his fingers reach out to gently swipe the hair out of her eyes.

There was a time when Jude Price was steel, was iron under his fingers. She was unbreakable. He couldn't break her because she was strong. Then he'd made her weak, now she was porcelain, porcelain which he'd thrown to the ground one too many times. He'd broken her. He'd broken her and this time he wasn't sure she'd be able to pick herself up off the floor and put herself together again.

Opening his mouth to say something, _anything,_ Dimitri finds the words stuck in his throat. Instead he watched her eyes close, one, two, three tears slipping out of the corner of her left one. His stomach churns. He's not a man. He's a boy, a boy who'd taken apart his favorite toy one too many times. Unable to contain himself Dimitri closed the distance between them, taking her into his arms and tucking her head under his chin.

He wishes he could tell her. He wishes he could show her. He wishes he could put together the pieces he'd selfishly chipped away. He wishes that he could give her what she wanted. That tomorrow he'd stay, he'd stay for good because she deserved that. She deserved someone who would stay. He wishes that if he did leave he could stay away. He could give her a chance to live. But he can't, he could wish on a million stars, he could throw a million pennies into a fountain and he'd _always_ come back to her. He wishes because at the end of the day, no matter what whore he's fucked, no matter what girl he's had between his legs, there's only one he wants.

Fingers tangling into her scarlet curls, Dimitri kisses the top of her head.

He loves her.

* * *

**a/n: no favorite without a review please and thank you.**


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